There are many different types of difficult and painful emotions that can have a negative impact on your daily life.  This can be because of the current situation that you find yourself in (work, relationship, home life etc), or previous, historical events that you have never managed to get over (childhood, schooling, traumatic events).   Whatever the problem may be for you, talking to me about your issues in a friendly and confidential environment will be the first step in starting to heal and manage your emotional well being, and finding a stronger and happier you.  I offer both CBT and/or Integrative Counselling.  CBT focusses more on issues occurring in the present, whereas Integrative Counselling will look at previous events that have had a profound effect on you.  A mix of both types of counselling can be used together, dependent on the issues that need to be resolved.  

How I Can Help You

CBT

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a more goal focussed therapy which aims to help change the negative patterns of thinking and behaviour that can cause stress and anxiety. It includes coping skills and techniques that can help reframe how you think about things.

Counselling

Integrative Counselling draws on the different elements of therapy that are going to be best for the client in their circumstances.  The aim is to develop a stronger and healthier sense of self, which can be very helpful in rebuilding low self esteem and dealing with overwhelm.

Below are many examples of the different negative emotions and feelings that we can go through.

  • Many people suffer from anxiety at different times in their lives, and it can range anywhere from mild to severe. Sometimes it can come about due to a specific event, or sometimes it just lingers and pops up whenever you do something that involves stepping out of your comfort zone.

    Anxiety can cause debilitating physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, sweats, headaches and making it impossible to sleep. Sometimes you may not even be aware of the power that anxiety can have over your physical well being. It can cause panic attacks to happen leaving you worrying that the same is going to happen again and again, perpetuating the problem.

    But anxiety can be managed. Coping mechanisms can be used to help control it. But getting to the root of the problem, ie the triggering events and causes of the anxiety, together we can work on reducing it on a long term basis. We can talk about the patterns of panic and fear, look at where they have derived from and work out how to eliminate these triggering thoughts making life a calmer place to be.

  • Low mood can feel like you are walking around under a big black cloud for most of your waking day. You will yourself to feel brighter and happier and brighter, but cannot seem to pick yourself up. You inevitably avoid anything social because you feel so low, and the cycle continues.

    It can feel like you are walking through heavy fog in the woods. Giving yourself permission to share your inner most thoughts and emotions with me can be the start of us getting that fog to begin to clear.

  • Whether it be young children or elderly parents, looking after others before yourself runs the risk of you neglecting your own needs. If this continues, it becomes easy to forget your own value.

    Life is full of pressures that consume us, and by putting everyone else before us, you may end up feeling drained, resentful and despondent. Having time and space for you to reflect on how it can be to care for others, is vital in being able to care for others.

    There is often a large element of guilt involved, with you not feeling that you have a right to find caring hard. But my view is that in order to help someone with their own life jacket, you must be able to successfully put your own on, or else you are no help to anyone.

  • Negative Body Image can have a huge impact on ones confidence, leading to issues with anxiety and low self-esteem.

    Unfortunately, it is a self perpetuating problem, in that the worse you may feel about yourself, the less social connection you may have with others, making you feel even worse.

    Working out where these negative and critical views come from can help to reframe how to think about yourself in a more positive light, loosening the control that poor body image has over you. Finding the strength to share these feelings will be a great start to beginning to feel better about yourself on the inside, which will take care of the outside.

  • Adolescence can be a really tough time for young people as they enter a phase of increased responsibility (exam stress for example) whilst still being treated like the children they are, at the same time.

    The relentless pressure of social media, body image and both the biological and physiological changes can cause huge amounts of internal stress for teens.

    If they are willing, having an impartial, non judgemental safe space for them can be exceptionally beneficial for their emotional well being. I am very used to working with teenagers and understanding how hard they can find it to manage their emotional well being.

  • Experiencing trauma is sadly, something that most of us will endure within our lifetime. It can come in the form of a sudden event that brings a huge amount of shock, such as a loved one suddenly passing away. Alternatively, it may present itself as a prolonged traumatic experience, such as an abuse for example.

    Either way, traumatic events can affect your emotions in many different ways, perhaps making you feel irritated or fearful, angry or scared. And it can have an impact on your everyday life, affecting sleeping patterns, relationships and/or work.

    How the trauma is dealt with (or not!) can have a huge impact on your well-being. In order to cope, people will often supress their emotions and bury the pain in order to survive. But the problem with doing this, is that it never goes away and can creep up on you in different ways when you least expect it. That is why, feeling safe and calm within a trusting environment is vital in order to open up about the traumatic events that may have had such a negative impact on your life.

  • Loss is not just about death, it can relate to the loss of a hope, of a relationship, of a future, all of which can have a profound effect on you.

    Equally, when someone close to you passes away, there is an expectation that you have a period of time to grieve and then life must move on. But sadly, your emotions do not always allow you to work that in that linear way.

    Grief and loss, will never leave you. Learning to live with it, and to manage those feelings that will come and go like lapping waves is the kindest way to move forward. Talking about these feelings of loss and despair can help you reach a more manageable place.

  • This is an extension of poor body image, but to a debtlilerately degree. It is suffered by men and women in equal numbers and is one of the highest causes for suicide in the UK, greater than the more well known condition of Anorexia.

    People who suffer from this genuinely believe that they are perceived as ugly, fat, inadequate. They may focus on one particular item, such as their nose being too big, or their eyes being too close together. Whatever it may be, it is debilitating and all consuming.

    Managing these negative thoughts and feelings can be so helpful in being able to find a positive way to move forward and it starts with feeling safe enough with me to open up.

  • Relationships, whether they are with family members, children, parents, co-workers, can go through ups and downs at any time which can cause frustration and upset.

    Equally, historically there may have been issues that were never addressed at the time, causing a deep rooted sense of tension that is refusing to go away.

    Talking these issues through in a neutral setting with me can help you decide how to process your feelings and move forward.

  • The menopause is a stage in life that all women experience, but to differing degrees. Whilst there are biological changes, there are also a plethora of emotional changes that may be purely down to menopause itself, but may also be due to the environmental factors around you as well.

    The question “Is it me, or is it the menopause” is asked regularly and there are many things to consider, such as life transitions like children leaving home, parents becoming elderly, unfulfillment in work life or home life or both.

    Talking about your current feelings within the context of your current life and discussing the back story can with me will really help to work out where you are emotionally during this testing time in your life.

  • Feeling overwhelmed is something that can result in becoming debilitating. Emotional overload can cause us to think irrationally, procrastinate, bury our head in the sand and go round in circles.

    It is our brains way of telling us that everything has become too much, that calmness and rationality has disappeared leaving us with a sense that we cannot cope and affects our ability to think straight.

    Taking the time to look at what is going on in your life, with your thoughts, emotions and patterns of behaviour will enable us to look together at what may be causing the overwhelm for you and how to manage it going forward.

  • As human beings, we are all relational and need connection with others to both survive and thrive.

    As amazing as the advancements in technology are, the lack of real human connection can have a negative impact. Social media allows people to present as leading a vibrant and social existence but the result can leaving you feeling inadequate and isolation.

    Talking about your feelings of loneliness and isolation with me is the first step in starting to build your confidence and self-worth.

  • Ending a relationship is a bit like an onion. There are so many different layers of emotion that can affect us such as anger, sadness, loss, shame, regret.

    It is important to process them in a safe way so that it allows you tome forward with your life, rather than bury them down in the hope that they go away. Inevitably the feelings will come out one way or another, so taking the time that you need and deserve to process the loss of a relationship can be really beneficial.

  • Any life event that represents change can cause feelings of instability and worry which can have a negative impact on your well being.

    These could be changes such as a relationship breakdown, the death of a loved one, birth of a child or at the other end, children leaving home, relocation, new job, anything at all.

    Adapting to life with a change of circumstances can be daunting and overwhelming. Finding a space to talk about these changes can be extremely therapeutic.

  • It can be very easy to dismiss the fact that what happened to you when you were 2 years old has actually had any impact on your current life whatsoever.

    I used to be very sceptical myself, but the more you delve into your childhood and adolescence years and look at how you grew up, it becomes clearer to see how much you are actually shaped by the home environment and the influences around you.

    My professional experience will help to guide you through your lived experience and look for patterns that may be affecting you in your life today.

  • People who suffer from physical abuse will, on average, do nothing about it for at least seven assaults. This is often down to both fear and blame, as well as the hope that it will all just go away. The emotional scars left from physical abuse are often far deeper than the physical wounds itself.

    And with regards to emotional abuse, again, the mental scars that are left due to the damage that has been done to your self esteem can take a long time to heal. Have a supportive space to talk about them is a great start to healing, simply by being heard and validated. From there, you can grow.

  • Counselling for younger children takes place by way of present and forward orientated focus rather than looking backwards and digging up their past. I use a lot of ‘non-verbal communication’ to ‘communicate’, in terms of play and art therapy to keep engagement.

    I take the view that working successfully with children is like putting ‘Spinach in the Brownies’ - they are getting goodness without realising it, helping themselves to feel better without realising that they are doing any work to get there.

    Sessions are often slightly shorter than adult sessions (40 minutes) to maximise engagement.

  • With Dementia and Alzheimer’s on the rise globally, watching someone you love become increasingly confused can leave you feeling helpless and sad.

    Remaining positive for them when you feel broken inside can be extremely draining, especially when you try to remain strong in front of them.

    I have personal experience with this issue with my father, so I am very understanding of the pain that comes with watching someone you love change from the person they once were.

  • Low self-esteem usually occurs gradually over time, without you even realising it. It’s gets eroded slowly, until you suddenly realise that you are a shadow of your former self.

    Feelings of shame, low self-worth and hopelessness are increasingly common these days, leaving you feeling inadequate and unfulfilled, as well as doubting any value that you may have. Increasing your self-esteem comes from looking at both recent and historical events, to see how you can reframe your thoughts to help yourself to feel stronger.

    Talking to me about your fears, feelings of shame or lack of self-worth will help to bring your emotions to the forefront of your mind which is where we can start to work on challenging and changing them together.

  • Self-harm is more often than not, a controlling mechanism, used to cause external pain to the person because their internal emotional pain is spiralling out of control. The ‘harming’ provides temporary relief, but is usually followed by shame and guilt.

    For bystanders, watching their love ones self-harm, can be extremely distressing. Understanding that it is a cry for help and a coping mechanism, can ease the worry but nevertheless, seeking professional counselling is very helpful to manage the emotional stress of the situation, whether it be for the self harmer themselves or the loved one helplessly watching it happen.

  • Heavily linked to low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence can really debilitate your drive to participate in the one life that you have. Unfortunately, the negative beliefs that you have about yourself take over, convincing yourself that you do not have the confidence to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Taking the time to talk about and address these negative beliefs and work out why they are there, can be hugely beneficial in trying to reduce, if not eliminate, them.